Navigating relationships can be both fulfilling and challenging. We are social and relational beings who need others to thrive, and yet, relationships are often responsible for the greatest pain that we experience in life.

Sometimes, we can find ourselves questioning whether our feelings of unease and anxiety stem from within ourselves or from the dynamics of the relationship we’re in.

It’s a delicate balance that requires introspection as well as an understanding of anxiety.

It can be easy to overlook how much our individual state of being is influenced by the behavior and energy of those around us, especially in romantic partnerships. Those we choose to be in a relationship with have an ongoing influence over our mood, thoughts, and so many other aspects of ourselves.

Let’s look at some of the different ways anxiety may show up in the context of your relationship.

Understanding Anxiety in Relationships

Anxiety is a common emotion that can manifest in various aspects of our lives, including our relationships. It can arise from fear of the unknown, insecurities about the future, or past experiences that have left emotional scars. In a relationship context, anxiety might manifest as:

• Constant Worry: Feeling uneasy or worried about the relationship’s stability or future.
• Overthinking: Analyzing every interaction or word exchanged with your partner.
• Physical Symptoms: Experiencing tension, restlessness, or even panic attacks when thinking about the relationship.

These feelings can often cloud our judgment and make it difficult to discern whether they are a result of the relationship dynamics or our own internal struggles.

Signs of a Toxic Relationship

On the other hand, being in a toxic relationship can exacerbate feelings of anxiety and unease. Toxic relationships are characterized by behaviors and dynamics that are emotionally or psychologically damaging. Signs of a toxic relationship may include:

• Lack of Trust: Constant suspicion or jealousy without valid reasons.
• Control Issues: One partner exerting control over the other’s actions, thoughts, or relationships with others.
• Emotional Manipulation: Guilt-tripping, gaslighting, or playing mind games.
• Constant Criticism: Feeling constantly judged or criticized by your partner.

In a toxic relationship, these dynamics can lead to a deterioration of self-esteem, increased stress, confusion, and a sense of being trapped.

Differentiating Between Anxiety and Toxicity

While anxiety can be present in any relationship, at times, toxic behaviors are more specific and detrimental. It’s important to differentiate between the two:

• Self-Reflection: Take time to reflect on your feelings. Are your anxieties mainly centered around the relationship itself or are they more generalized?
• Patterns of Behavior: Consider the patterns of behavior in the relationship. Are there consistent signs of manipulation, control, or disrespect?
• Impact on Well-Being: Assess how the relationship makes you feel overall. Are you constantly stressed, unhappy, or feeling unworthy of love and respect?

Seeking Clarity and Support

If you’re unsure whether your feelings are rooted in anxiety or indicative of a toxic relationship, seeking clarity is crucial. Generalized anxiety is likely something you have been experiencing in different forms for a while, and a licensed therapist would be equipped to help you make more sense of your symptoms.

If finances are a barrier to reaching out for help, one low-cost option is Open Path. This platform offers therapy sessions as low as $30 for intern therapists, and $40 for licensed therapists, with a one-time lifetime membership fee of $65.

Nervous to pull the trigger on therapy? Start by talking to a trusted friend who can provide an objective perspective.

If there is no abuse occurring, and your partner has previously been willing and capable of having uncomfortable conversations with you, consider discussing your concerns with your partner in a calm and open manner.

Perhaps some of your anxiety is related to the relationship and some is of a chronic, generalized nature. Discussing how you feel and what you both can do to improve the relationship dynamics is a helpful step, in safe relationships.

Conclusion

Determining whether your feelings of anxiety are stemming from the relationship itself or from internal struggles requires careful introspection and honest communication.

Here are a couple of questions to get you started on your self-reflection process:

Do you find that your anxiety increases and decreases in certain situations?

Do you find yourself looking forward to time alone, because that’s the only time you can relax?

Remember, it’s okay to prioritize your well-being and seek support. Whether it’s through self-reflection, seeking advice, or making changes in the relationship dynamics, your emotional health should always be a priority.

Trust your instincts and take the first small step toward prioritizing yourself and cultivating a relationship that fosters happiness, respect, and mutual growth.

Feeling like those things are not possible in your current relationship? Take this opportunity to pause and reflect on the symptoms above that often indicate an unhealthy relationship, and seek support to talk things through.

You deserve good things,

Dani

Want more mental health content like this? Subscribe here!