“Multi-tasking” seems to be one of the most commonly used words by moms. Even kids are growing up knowing it’s meaning, or at least knowing it seems to be very important. It comes in handy a lot, a necessity even, but when it comes to a parental partnership, maybe multi-tasking needs to take a little bit of a backseat to “teamwork”.

It’s not always all about doing as many things as you can at once. Sometimes it makes sense to double up your intentions if you’re taking a trip upstairs: start the laundry AND bring up the trash bags you’ve been needing to replace in the bathrooms. Sure.

In this post’s topic, though, the concept of being supportive and receiving support is more crucial than being a multi-tasking partner. Read on:

1. Embrace Teamwork

Whether you have one child or multiple, it’s easy to feel like everything falls on you. Especially when you’re the mom. Somehow there’s an unspoken message among the household that mom is the only one that can do X, Y, and Z. You can easily begin to put expectations on yourself that might not actually be there, but it feels like it. Because if you don’t do the laundry, who will?

This is where teamwork is lacking in a lot of relationships.

If you have a partner in your life who genuinely cares about you and your family’s wellbeing, they should not feel put off if you ask for help.

Think about this- hasn’t everyone seen those “super moms” who know it all, do it all, and don’t ever seem to need help or downtime? They’re just on, All The Time?

Other moms loathe or admire them, but I bet their husbands wish they needed them more. Otherwise, what’s the point of being in a relationship?

This isn’t just for established married couples either; if you’ve been a single mom for a period of time and are new to having any sort of help and teamwork, relying on a partner can be an even more difficult transition to make. You’ve HAD to depend on yourself to make sure things get done. If this is you, I totally relate.

I’ll admit to being the type that quietly just gets things done behind the scenes and nobody notices what’s going on because there’s nothing to notice. Because it’s been taken care of.

You know how that goes?

But don’t we tell our kids to ask for help if they need it? Like all the time??

Come on mommas! Let’s learn to ask for help. 

When you have the right partner, things that can be hard should seem easier. If you’ve gotten used to piling more on yourself than you need to, practice asking for help. Obviously not in the naggy sort of way that never accomplishes anything for anyone, but in a genuine way that will make your man feel like a superhero for being able to swoop in and make your life easier.

2. Get Your Stress Relief

Stress in motherhood is real. It’s easy to worry, and when you find yourself not worried, you quickly retaliate against the carefree state with new concerns and reasons to be worried.

“Wow, the kids are being really quiet…that’s different but nice… oh no, what are they up to?” Sound familiar?

Even if you’re not actively worrying, which we all know isn’t helpful or healthy anyway, being a mom puts you in this constant, hyper-alert state. You’re always aware of what’s going on around you, where people are, what needs to happen next, all the variables involved with basic functioning, even if you’re just at home… it’s a lot, and it’s hard to shut off, especially if you have been blessed with super active children who are experts at keeping you on your toes.

If you can’t come together with your hubby at the end of the day and have some shared downtime to unwind, regroup, and talk about the things you’ve been bottling up in your head all day, someone is eventually going to snap.

I find that it’s very healthy to verbally communicate when you’re reaching your limit of parenting stress and that you’re looking forward to some kid-free time. It’s affirming when you find that you’re on the same page, and that helps with the feeling of teamwork that is so important. Knowing you don’t have to be overwhelmed alone helps ease some of the stress that creeps in by the end of the day or week.

Knowing one another’s stress triggers can be super helpful for being on the same page, as well as having go-to activities that you know will chill you both out when the kids are in bed.

If this is an area that has been neglected in your relationship, have a conversation this week and start de-stressing ASAP.

3. Balance Strengths and Weaknesses

Playing to one another’s strengths is an area that can easily be forgotten in the hassle of day-to-day life. When it’s being implemented, though, it’s amazing how much more smoothly things can get done.

For example, if you HATE doing dishes and would rather do laundry any day (and make sure the wrong colors don’t get blended and certain items don’t get shrunk, and delicates are washed separately…), ask your other half how he feels about dish duty and continue your laundry routine as usual.

There’s no rule book that says that you are responsible for all the household chores just because you’re the woman, or because you might be at home more hours of the day.

This doesn’t mean that you can’t take it upon yourself to load the dishwasher from time to time when it makes sense to do so, but if your partner is up for taking that one off your plate, this takes a distasteful item off your to-do list, and that positive impact adds up.

Here’s another example:

Say you’re a full time stay at home mom and you’ve been with the kids all day. Maybe your patience for stuffed animals being used as a football is reaching the end of its limit, or maybe you’re just dying for 10 minutes of alone time to take the shower you’ve been wanting to take since this morning but denied yourself in the name of productivity or simply the inability to keep children safely contained for that amount of time.

Maybe your partner would typically come home and turn on a sports game or catch up on some social media, thinking you’re perfectly content to keep parenting while making dinner and prepping for tomorrow’s lunches… but if he knew that it would help you keep your sanity to step in and play football, he’d be happy to use his masculine energy and sports knowledge to teach your son or daughter how the game works.

Little adjustments like this really don’t take much communication and can go a long way to bringing out one another’s strengths, even if it’s on a figure-it-out-as-you-go basis. One day you may want to escape for a shower as soon as you are subbed out. Another day you might want a chance to throw the hedgehog “football” around the living room while he picks up where you left off with dinner.

Just because you need a few minutes to feel refreshed doesn’t mean that being a mom isn’t your strength. It just means that you’re better at it when you can ask for help, and allow those strengths to flourish.

4. Bring out the Best

Most of us have probably already found that it can be super easy for your self and identity to get lost in the midst of parenting and adulting. Part of this can be influenced by how you interact with your partner. Being supportive of your partner and receiving support back involves more than just working well together. It takes intentional effort to know the type of gestures that go the furthest to making your other half feel truly known and appreciated.

If you haven’t heard of the book “The Five Love Languages,” you’re about to. It’s a staple read in this household and has been on my shelf since I was old enough to read and appreciate the concepts. This book will give you and your partner a deeper understanding of your differences when it comes to communicating “I love you.” Knowing these different dialects is crucial for bringing out the best in each other. It’s on Amazon for under $10 and is 100% worth the small investment.

If you are thinking that you don’t have time to read a book cover to cover, not to worry, neither do I these days. Order it to have as a resource, but also check out the site I am linking below. It’s full of free resources to easily get a glimpse into what makes you tick:

The 5 Love Languages

This free love languages quiz only takes about 5 minutes to click through and get results, ordering your preferred methods of thoughtful gestures in order of importance to you.

It’s super helpful!

Mine have stayed the same over the years, which is encouraging. Knowing myself well makes it easier to communicate these needs in a relationship, as well as recognize them in others.

For a romantic relationship, these insights are hugely beneficial, but they also work for understanding your kids better when they are acting out for attention. Maybe their love language is quality time and that’s what they’re really asking for. But enough about kids. This is about you and your supportive partnership.

If you want to know how to really spice things up and maybe even shock your partner a little with how well you know them, definitely give this site a look (The 5 Love Languages ).

It’s 5 minutes well spent.

Next Steps–    

In case you want some additional validation, my tips aren’t the only ones promoting the idea of asking for the kind of support you need.

Psychology Today’s similar article, “ The Supportive Spouse: How to get the Right Kind of Emotional Support” touches on several of these 5 tips in a very clear way. Joni E Johnston, Psy.D, explains how the concept of support is open to interpretation, so for a spouse to know what you need, generally, it needs to be verbalized.

Several of the types of support Johnston mentions in this article align with a few of the 5 Love Languages: Physical comfort, esteem support and encouragement, and tangible support.

On that note, if you’re up for learning something new, check out the site I linked above to learn more about love languages and how you can apply them with your spouse. Another option, pick one of the ideas below and make a point to focus on it this week with your partner.

1. Embrace teamwork
2. Get your stress relief
3. Balance strengths and weaknesses
4. Bring out the best

Even better, keep it up for a month, and see how these changes in mindset can help you feel more supported.

More later mommas,

~Dani